The True Journey of Tales of Symphonia
by SerenineNights
Summary: The story you played through in Tales of Symphonia didn't explain every little detail of their journey. Here it is! From the real things and stupid that would happen on the journey. I do not own the ToS characters or storyline but I do sure own the stupid
1. Iselia, Part 1

The story you played through in Tales of Symphonia didn't explain every little detail of their journey. Here it is!

From the real things and stupid that would happen on the journey. I do not own the ToS characters or storyline but I do sure own

the stupidness!

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Once upon a time yadi yadi yada... there existed a giant tree which was the source of all uhhh well, you know.a war HOEVER caused this tree to wither away and sluts life was sacrificed in order to take its place.grieving over the loss the goddess went up to the heavens and said you must wake me for if i shall sleep the world should be destroyed with fried chicken. the angels bore the fried chicken one who headed toward the heavens and that marked the beginning of the regeneration of the chicken...errr I meant world.

_XXX Iselia, Classroom_

"Lloyd Irving, wake the k up! Lloyd!"Raine then throws a brick at Lloyd's head... on accident...maybe.

"ONCE UPON A TIME THERE EXISTED A GIANT TREE-"Lloyd shut up. "Uh, we're still in class?"

"Anyway, yadi yada yadi the desians are back yadi yadi blah blah blah Mithos was a hero blah blah blah Martel his sister was slut blah blah blah Genis can you answer the question?"said Raine.

"Mithos...was a hero!" said Genis.

"That's right! Now Colette, Colette you're the chosen one."said Raine.

"Umm... Yes Proffesor Sage, I know." said Colette. Raine had the red mark over her head and picked up a brick.

"COLETTE! DON'T DISRESPECT ME!" said Raine, but before she threw the brick at Colette's head a flash appeared.

"I saw a rainbow!" said Colette.

"I saw the moon!" said Genis

"I saw the oracle!" said Lloyd.

"WE'RE GETTING BOMBED!" said Raine, as the class gasped. Raine went up to the hole in the wall and packed her shotgun.

"Proffeser! I'll go with you!" said Colette getting up, Raine turned back to Colette.

"You want to get shot by me instead of Desians?" said Raine.

"On second thought, I'll stay here Professer!" said Colette sitting back down.

Lloyd got up and was about to leave the classroom. Colette and Genis followed.

_XXX Iselia_

"COLETTE!" said Frank.

"Father!" said Colette.

"Where is everybody" asked Lloyd.

"In the Slut Club cuz the Desians are gonna rape them!" said Frank.

"What?" Colette asked.

"NOT THE STUFF FROM HIV CLASS!" said Genis.

"Anyway, just go to the temple!

_XXX Downstairs from Temple_

"Pastor!" the Pastor slowly walked down the stairs and tripped.

"Colette... Chosen one I'm sorry I can't accopany you on your journey..." said Pastor.

"Don't die!"said Genis.

"Don't die Pastor, please don't!" said Colette.

"One more thing... I HATE YOU LLOYD!" the pastor did one last breath and died.

_XXX-Temple of Oracles_

"Damn!" said Lloyd, bending down with his comrades Genis and Colette.

Viddarr was about to slash when:SLASH. Kratos cut off his head since that was way easier then just making little scratches on him with wooden swords and kendamas and chakrams.

"Give me you name and I shall give you mine?" asked Lloyd.

"I'm not telling you because... You people are weak... Now is the chosen of Mana along you?" said Kratos.

"Oh, ahuh, that's me!" said Colette, getting up.

"Man, this guys strong!" said Genis.

"Colette----this guy can be a rapist... I told you not to introduce yourself to everyone like the time when...

_"May I have your nameeeee miss?"said a raspy old man._

_"I'm Colette Brunel, um nice to meet you sir!" _

_"And where do you live?"said the old man._

_"Iselia!" said Colette._

_"CAN I HAVE YOUR ADDRESS!" All the sudden, Lloyd came to them and pulled Colette away. _

_"Colette, can you cover your ears for a second?"asked Lloyd very sweetly and politly._

_"Um, okay Lloyd." Colette covered her ears as she watched Lloyd go up to the old man._

_"YOU DAMN " Colette's eyes widened. "OLD PIG #S MOTHER 5&R!" _

"And that was the first time Lloyd got arrested for harassment!"said Genis.

"NOOO IT WAS THE THIRD!" said Lloyd.

"Your name is Lloyd?"asked Kratos.

"Yeah, give me your name and I shall give you mine!" said Lloyd.

"Lloyd, he already knows your name!" said Genis.

"Grandmother? Shouldn't I go get the oracle now?" Phaidra finally woke up from being passed out when the _Renegays_ came.

"Ah yes... Thank you for protecting the chosen. What is your name?"said Phaidra to Kratos.

"I am Kratos a mercenary. I want to protect the chosen of mana, for it is my duty." said Kratos.

"WAIT PHAIDRA---You're not really gonna hire him to protect Colette are you?"asked Lloyd.

"You're hired!" said Phaidra.

"Aa-ah." Is all Lloyd could say as Colette and Kratos walk inside the Temple of Oracles, from his view hand to hand._ I'm all alone... Colette's all alone with a rapist... _Then Colette stopped. _Lloyd... _Colette turned around.

"Come on, Lloyd!" smiled Colette as Lloyd saw her as a beautiful angel, which what she was gonna become.

Lloyd followed Colette inside as Genis was left behind."My baby...my baby...my baby left me all alone!" said Genis meaning to only think.

Lloyd turned around."Let's go Genis!"

"Me too?"asked Genis.

"This isn't a field trip you know."said Kratos.

_TALES OF SYMPHONIA:THE TRUE STORY HALF TIME_

_Colette:Please enjoy the rest of our story!_

_Lloyd:Its only the end of chapter 1!_


	2. Martel Temple Part 1

**Now for the disclaimer-I only own the stupitdy of this story!**

Kratos:Hehehe-I like chopping heads off... (Holds Vidarr's head)  
Lloyd:I'm smart!  
Genis:Think smart rose art!  
Colette:We're close to the oracle!  
Raine:I'M GONNA WHIP YOUR ASSES!(packs the shotgun)

**Lloyd:Run!**

**Animegirl51:Kratossssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss----I'll save you! Umm, yes... let's go on with the story! In this chapter, something in parenthesis might be echoes. I have nothing against any type of person!**

**----------Chapter 2-Martel Temple Part 1**

Kratos walked in with his hands on his hips like a model.

"Hey Kratos- Kratos- Kratos!" said Lloyd, trying to get his attention. Kratos turned around slowly as his hair flew in the wind.

"What...(what, what what...)" asked Kratos. You know like how models do when the flip their hair except Kratos didn't do it **this **time.

"Oh look at this rock! Isn't it fascinating Kratos?" said Lloyd, excited and hoping like a girl wanting cotton candy who has hyper sugar problems and when has sugar is one hyper son of a... yeah that's how Lloyd was.

"Um, yes Lloyd! Its really fascinating..." said Colette, not interested in the rock but the person holding the rock.

"Sooner or later-he's gonna get bored and start something new." said Genis, looking at Lloyd who picked up something brown by leaves. He picked up a leaf and wrapped the brown stuff into the leaf.

"Genis--use fireball to this leaf."said Lloyd. Genis lit the leaf which started to burn slowly. Lloyd put the leaf in his mouth and started to get a little crazy.

"Hey Kratos..." said Lloyd, looking at him seriously.

"What...?" asked Kratos, never seeing Lloyd serious.

"I think you're... I hate you, you hate me, I think your a gay mercenary.(to I love you you love me from barney)" Kratos looked shocked. "I also think your a gay bastard with your hands on your hip all the time thinking oh I'm so cool the ladies love me! I'm a man who killed his wife! I can't possibly have a son yet I got the lady pregnent and now I can't find my son!" said Lloyd putting his hand on his hip and walking slow. "Look at me, I'm Kratos wooooooooooooo! I'm gay, I'm Barney and I'm Flounder! Hehehehehehe!" said Lloyd.

Tears welled up in Kratos' eyes... "Y...you can't deny the truth!"

"And Colette..." said Lloyd. Colette looked at Lloyd, shocked. "You really are too innocent! Oh look at me I'm clumsy Colette wahooo wahooo oops I fell! I wanna be just like Lloyd cuz I have no brain of my own! I can't understand why I love you!" Colette started to cry tears of hapiness.

"I love you too Lloyd!" said Colette in between tears.

"Colette, he just dissed you!... NO LLOYD YOU DON'T LOVE ME!" asked Genis.

"GENIS YOU'RE AN OLD MIDGET AND YOUR NAME RHYMES WITH P..." Everyone shut up.

"Oh baby, now its on!" said Genis. Pow pow pow pow pow pow explosion.

**XXX Downstairs**

"Hey look its a doggie!" said Colette... running up to the Golem.

"Watch out!" said Kratos. Colette hugs the golem... ummm doggie... and it swings and swings her around.

"Colette!" screamed Lloyd who was no longer high. "Genis we need to help her!"

"No way I'm not working with you! You called me a wee-wee boop bopp bomb bomb!"yelled Genis walking away.

Kratos gets flown away from the hit of the golem. Lloyd's swords break cuz' its so damn hard. Genis' toy kendama nearly broke.

"Okay now its my turn. Da da da da da da du du du du Waiting for my spelll... FIREBALL!" screamed Genis as it hit the Golem, with a dead Colette. The Golem died. Genis hopped like a little girl and then did Sailor Moon's pose. "That's what you get with messin' with me!" Genis ran up to the dead Colette. "You need the kiss of life!" said Genis putting a life bottle on Colette and kissing her. Then he kissed Lloyd and put a lifebottle on him but his eyes opened up to quick for Genis to move.

"ARE YOU GAY?" asked Lloyd, questioning why Genis was on top of him.

"No, I'm warm!" said Genis getting up. And we all left Kratos dead.

**XXX Remiel's room**

Everyone came in the oracle room burnt. When Lloyd tried to hit Genis he hit Kratos with fire from the sorcerer's ring,(sr) but when Kratos tried to hit Lloyd but accidently hit Genis who Genis tried to hit Lloyd hit Colette. Yeah, so now their like this now.

"Is that the chicken crystal?" asked Lloyd, pointing to a red light.

"Yes, my mother died while giving birth to me because it was pretty big and i was holding it while giving birth along with some muscles..." said Colette.

A white light that was pretty bright came down to the table to reveal a angel.

"Is that an angel?" asked Lloyd.

"ITS A DEVIL!" said Genis.

"Um la Angel Remiel. Cohosen chiken wen, og serprent urself ot eht taral" ----I am an Angel Remiel. Chosen ? one, go present yourself to the alter.

"Si, Lord Remiel!" said Colette, proudly in Spanish.

"What language is that?" asked Lloyd.

"It is Angel and Spanish. If you're not a angel or a chosen or ever studied it you wouldn't know." said Kratos.

"Ho Cohosen wen Colette. Ew fo Cruxis yldourp serprent eht Tower of Salvation nopu eht dnal fo bitches and cream Slyvarant." Oh Chosen one, Colette, We of Cruxis proudly present the Tower of Salavation upon the land of Hapiness and Suffering, Slyvarant. The tower of Salvation comes down into the ground. Remiel was about to leave when.

"Wait! Lord Remiel, are you my true fa-" Colette stopped.

"No Colette! I'm your mother..." said Remiel.

"But you...you're a guy!" said Colette.

"I have my ways..." said Remiel leaving.

"Did he just speak English?" asked Lloyd, after Remiel left.

"So that's my real mother." said Colette. "Well, I had real fun with you. See you later Pen...Genis and Lloyd!" Colette and Kratos walk into the teleport and leave.

"Well, shall we go?" said Genis.

"Yeah."

**XXX First floor, Martel Temple.**

"Where are those rats?" said Raine holding her shot gun facing the exit. "Phaidra said I needed to exterminate two red, one white and 1 blue rat..."

"Lloyd, lets just tip-toe away..." whispered Genis. Lloyd and Genis slowly slipped away.

"How did Colette n Kra-" Lloyd's leg got caught in a rat trap. "YEOWWWW!" said Lloyd. Raine quickly turned around and started to shoot Genis.

"I'm down!" said Genis, falling to the floor.

"I'M GONNA WHOOP YOU'RE ASS INTO A WHOOP CAN!" said Raine shooting Lloyd.

"I'm down..."Lloyd fell.

**XX End of Chapter**


	3. Iselia, Part 2

**NyaGirl51:I don't own Tales of Symphonia or the stupid-ness, so lets just get on with the story.**

**----------------------------------------------------------------**

**XXX Colette's House**

"Then the protection of the stupid blonde to the hot guy and the crazy woman." said the mayor. Raine jumped up and pointed the shot gun to his face.

"What did you say!" asked Raine crazily.

"We entrust the protection to the oh so beautiful R-Raine..." said the Mayor, shaking.

"I have a problem." said Kratos, looking towards Phaidra and the Mayor.

"What is it, boy?"asked the Mayor.

"What if one of my comrades was accidently killed by me while sleeping?" Kratos slowly looked towards Raine. Then he looked at Colette, who was putting lipstick on her head. Lloyd and Genis walked in just at that time.

"Hey Colette-why are you putting lipstick on your head?"asked Lloyd.

"Oh I'm trying to make up my mind."said Colette, smiling.

"Dumbass." said Genis. Genis looked around to see a broken computer monitor.

"Kratos?" asked Genis.

"Yes?" asked a crazy yet oh so hot red-head.

"Did you use the computer?"asked Genis.

"Yes, why?"said Kratos the redhead, nervously looking at the expensive item.

"There's a hammer embedded in the monitor." Genis looks at Kratos' red-hair. "I just thought it..."

"Oh Lloyd...here's a book for you can actually get smarter. Wait, you don't know how to read yet, do you?"asked Phaidra.

"Nope, I just learned my abcs! Hey were you talking about the journey of chicken regenaration"asked Lloyd.

"No, we were talking about fried chicken and Mcdonalds." said Phaidra.

"WOW I WANNA EAT FRIED CHICKEN TOO AND GO ON THE WORLD REGENARATION TRIPPIE!" said Lloyd jumping like a little roach who wants candy.

"Hey, if Raine's going, I'm not going. Halleluyah!" said Genis.

"Shut up you wee-wee boop bopp bomb bomb!" Raine put the gun to his head.

"I think its best you'll stay here. You two are too stupid and then you'll probaly get raped by Yuan."said Kratos.

"Kratos is absolutely hot---I mean right. Now we have to take the money from poor people."said Mayor as he threw a knife at Lloyd and Genis who ran out just in time.

XXX Outside

"Hey wait!" Colette went to grab Lloyd but she was about to trip and she was flapping her arms like she was gonna fly up or something.

"Colette, why try flying like a bird if you're an angel?"asked Lloyd.

"Because I'M A BIRDIE LIKE TIRA HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!" said Colette, laughing.

"Umm...okay...anyway..."said Lloyd.

"I'm dumb!"said Colette.

"Yes, I think we learned that."said Genis.

"I'm sorry that I'm dumb!"said Colette.

"Yeah, of course you are."said Lloyd. "But that's alright."

"Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-its the idiots birthday."said Genis. "Here's what I got you." Genis hands Colette a magazine.

"PlayGirl?" Colette flips around the book blushing and looking at the pictures. Genis quickly snatches it away. "Sorry, that's mine! This is yours!" Genis passes her a big book.

"Traveling To Guide Idiots."said Colette.

"Colette, it says Idiots Guide To Traveling, you dope."said Lloyd.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh----------------- "4 hours later... "hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I think I GET IT! I'm not only the chosen of chicken, I'm an idiot!"

"Yeah, Colette you're my idiot."said Lloyd. "Wanna take a walk?"

"Sure!" Colette and Genis start walking around town, and they see a dog.

"AWWW ITS A DOGGIE!" screamed Colette, as everyone looked at her. The dog barked. "AND ITS SAYING HELLO!" Colette went up to the dog to pick it up.

"Grrrrrrrrrrr..."grumbled the dog showing its teeth.

"See Lloyd,Genis, its smiling at us!" said Colette.

"Uh, Colette..."said Lloyd.

"Just leave her."said Genis.

"BARK! BARK!(Chomp, chomp)"sounds were heard.

"OWWWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! But your such a cute dog, I'll name you Jaws!" said Colette, who was bleeding from her hands and arms and stomache bite marks.

XXX Back in front of Colette's house

Colette's face and arms is covered in bandages. She faced Genis. "Luuu-yheres me buthay hift?" said Colette through her bandages.

"She says'Lloyd, where's my birthday gift?" translated Genis. "And Colette, Lloyd's to the left of you." Colette faces to her house.

"Ummm...its a picture...of you getting bit by dogs in a flower field."said Lloyd.

"Weally? Tat mapes mwe do hawppy... Iwll cume uo ur hwouse so ick ip ut." Genis moves Colette to face Lloyd.

"Really, that makes me so happy. I'll come to your house so I can pick it up." translated Genis, as Colette banged into the door.

"WOWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" screamed Colette. Lloyd opened the door.

"Bye."said Lloyd as Colette went inside.

"Let's go see Raine."said Genis.

XXX Classroom

"Uh-oh, there is Professor Paine..."said Lloyd. Raine turns around and throws a brick at him."Ow!...Who's gonna be our new teacher?

(Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me comes on)Sheena comes into the classroom as Lloyd and Genis' mouth agape."Is the chosen of chicken along you?"asked Sheena. Sheena looks around and disappears.

"THAT'S OUR TEACHER?" asked Lloyd.

"Nope." said Raine, as the crazy teacher from the Anime/manga DearS comes in.

"I am babyyyy-ooohhhh Lloyd translate this in angelic."said the teacher whose name I forgot.

"Yarm tup sih dnah pu S'nhoj triks? MARY PUT HIS HAND UP JOHN'S SKIRT!" exclaimed Lloyd. "RAINEEEE TAKE US WITH YOU!

"Hell no."said Raine. "Genis, you get to sleep in Colette's bed."

"Yay! I mean, nooo... I'll miss you sis."said Genis.

"I'll miss you too." said Raine. She turned around."I have a present for you."

"What is it?" Raine puts a brick on Genis' and Lloyd's head."Ouch!" said Genis.

"Get out before I shoot you." They back up and run out to the end of town to see guards yelling at a... dog...

XXX South Town Exit

"Lloyd! DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR DONKEY!"said one of the guards.

"That's not a DONKEY THATS A HORSE!" said Lloyd. "Hey Horney! ... I mean Horsey!"

"BARK!" went Noishe.

"Lloyd, isn't he a dog?"asked Genis.

"Hehehehehehehehehe..."Lloyd jumped on Noishe and took out a whip. "LETS GO HORSEY!" They ran out of town.

**End Of Chapter 3**

**Me:Look foward to the next chapter! Oh, this one wasn't as funny.**


End file.
